Sunday, April 15, 2007
Frankly,
for the whole of today,
i was waiting for my dream to come true.
i was foolish i was naive.
Its 12am now,
Kerui, WAKE UP
It will never come true.
I guess the thing in my bag will go into the chute as well.
My sis asked whether she came today,
that question asked was so coincidental.
maybe someone up there is reminding me to wake up as well.
Up til now, nothing has affected the feelings i have for her. While buying the nano for my sis,
i was still wondering if i should buy that nice casing, for the nano i gave her.
i saw a nice phone, but thinking i should leave my phone with her so that she can trade in for a new phone herself.
Why am i so generous?
i am NOT!
i never treated my sis well until now.
i never love my parents as much as i should
i never cherish the friends that i have
i never love myself for who i am
i was never generous to anyone.
Am i hoping that by being generous, money wise, to her... things will change?
i am not trying to insult her as though she is that materialistic.
but, i think i just want to feel appreciated, especially by her.
is that something wrong to do? to want to be appreciated?
i am working so hard in army, i think it is because i want to be appreciated as well.
I think the pride that i have is in me.
i am hungry for credit.
i am hungry for showmanship.
But i dont like it. i am not doing things out of sincerity and truth.
i really dont know how i should be feeling now,
am i sincere in the first place? am i truthful??
may someone guide me please?
i asked her out on today (140407) days ago.
she told me she had to study and all.
but she went to collect her passport and went out with her friends instead.
It is not that i dont want to trust her and believe in her.
But the feeling sucks. totally!
a mixture of jealousy, disappointment, hopelessness and frustration.
How do we call it?
jeasappointrationess.
i am so useless!
keruirocks.
12:06 AM
