Monday, April 23, 2007
i had a bad bad dream,
waking up to know the realism of it.
perhaps i have been trapped and blinded in the game of love,
that masked my sight,
sway my decision.
and blurred my principles.
i know the things i am doing now are against my wish.
it hurts me, i hate it.
but why am i doing this?
for the sake of love?
or for the sake of peace?
Both.
i love myself so much that i want the best for myself.
the times spent for the past year has been perhaps the best.
i hate to live a life without it.
i love myself too much.
i have been discovering truth after truth after truth.
but this is the one truth i have yet to accept it myself.
i am the selfish one.
i love her because i love myself.
i love myself that makes me love her.
do i love her?
yes,
not as much as myself.
and the another truth is that.
the same applies to her.
she love herself more than i love myself.
thats it.
that is why i am the one losing out.
It sucks.
i had to try so hard to get by sunday
without thinking about her.
it was alright until she smsed
at first i was bloody happy about it.
i thought we can chat for awhile.
but she end it on her first reply.
it was a "-.-" and " zzzz" moment.
what to do?
my life sucks and just got to bear with it.
what is she trying to do?
she miss me and wants to hear from me? NO,
it wouldnt just end like that.
maybe she just want revenge,
and provoke me in that way.
i dont know since when her temper turns foul.
i guess THATS her,
and the her when she's with me was fake, for sake of love.
i really have trouble talking to her now.
seems like i became the cooler head compared to her.
and surprisingly i am tolerating until now.
If i am the kerui in the past,
i would just have fish it.
i have a new nickname for myself.
instead of CRAYFISH
now its CRAB.
i saw my sisters' blog,
and realise she has alot of pretty female friends,
so i was just jokingly ask her to intro a few friends to deming and i,
haha and i didnt know she was quite serious with it,
are you qii? =x
Ann wants to bring me out,
to church, to know more girls.
maybe i should just go and take alook.
keruirocks.
8:12 AM
