Monday, April 16, 2007
i was just wondering,
Why did she tell me to leave her alone last night.
and why did she sms me just now to tell me all those.
It is not as if i dont want to reply her. But it took hell lot of conviction to stop myself from doing that. i know she needs the silence, i cannot be selfish in that sense.
what has leaving her alone got anyting to do with what's happening to her in her team?
Is is because she was on a nasty mood, and took me to vent out the anger?
why did she sms me to tell me about all those?
To let herself feel better? to make me feel better?
to seek my attention?
i am confused myself.
But i have came to a, i feel more sensible, answer.
I guess she's quite dependent on me as well. That is why she emphasized that she wants to be independant. She probably took out helllots of courage to break up with me, knowing the consequences and all, and doing all those, just to prove to herself she can do it.
But because of that,
she is now confused with herself as well.
she doesnt know where to start and how to start to be independent.
she wants me to leave her alone to think about it,
but she still doesnt get use to life without me.
So she ask me to be a friend so that i am still in her life, but less significance.
But because i talk to her quite often,
she is affected yet again by the things i do.
and it will go on and on and on, hurting herself further,
Sigh!!
If only she hates me, i think she will forget about me, the easier way.
If only she tries to love another guy, i will just be out of the way.
and the only thing i can do to help her, is to stop talking to her.
it doesnt really matter if im happy or not,
i just want her to be happy.
but... maybe she doesnt even love me or care about me anymore!
ARGHH im stupid.
im just thinking too much.
anyway, i lost 2 kg last week.
it is a gd start but im not sure if its the right start.
but if i continue this way,
i will be 100kg by end of july.
keruirocks.
7:14 PM
