Thursday, April 12, 2007
i'm being emo today again.
i have a very bad habit.
i like to indulge in self pity.
Is it because there's no one there to pity me?
or is it because i dont deserve it in the first place.
maybe it is unneccessary.
maybe it is just a way to show i care for myself.
That is me. the culprit that has been inside all along.
i Believe that there are alot of people out there, like me.
that has kept another self inside.
It is whether you choose to let it take over you.
or to overpower it.
face the fact that it exist..
and learn to accept it.
and when you manage to conquer over it.
It becomes you.
and others will accept that that is who you are.
you have to have the courage.
you cannot be honest unless you are honest with yourself.
ask yourself...
Why is it that i am thinking that way?
why am i feeling so?
why do i do that?
Is your answer an answer?
or is it just an excuse?
No one will know "the answer"
only you.
i didnt know that i could do it.
because, for so long,
i have been a person that is overwhelmed by
1)pride
i did not want to say out the truth,
hiding it
manipulating it
2)ego
i did not want to lose.
i will be the best
i will be the friendliest
i will be the most humourous
i will be the most generous
i will be the nicest
i will be the leader
3)loneliness
the more friends the merrier
wanting people to visit me
acting depress.
am i really that nice? am i really that honest? am i really that funny? am i a leader within my friends? am i? am i?
NO. FUCKING SHIT!
I WAS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO ALL THAT
BECAUSE I WAS SOMEONE I WASNT
BECAUSE I RAN AWAY
My true friends out there reading this, this is true.. right?
it doesn't take long for people to notice who you really are.
it is up to them whether they want to accept you for your pros
or reject you for your cons.
It is a big fat reality that i did not believe, or i chose not to believe
but i am sick of it
i am sick of lying to myself.
i am sick of being delusional
so back to the question.
am i really emo today?
or was i just asking for attention,
waiting for someone to come worrying,
"kerui are you alright? poor thing."
why am i writing all this here,
for everyone to see?
am i waiting for someone to come,
and tell me
kerui you've matured.
oh fuck.
kerui you really are a poor thing.
Dont be deluded anymore.
wake up my fucking idea!
keruirocks.
8:15 PM
