Monday, August 27, 2007
It is not that i want to be paranoid, not that i choose to also, i just cannot help it.
Yea i am weak, i know probably many of you out there have the ability to stop yourself from thinking too much and to keep your cool, but i tried, i guess it is just me.
There are somethings that can change, somethings that can't, i guess i am that, i don't like things to be left hanging, i want it to be done and solved and progresss once and for all. That is what makes me impatient i guess.
i guess everything happened because i cared too much. To me, you are like a light of hope, a shimmering beam of light that appeared after my darkest nightmare. And not knowingly, i guess i have given it too much effort than i should. You can say that i am selfish, i acted paranoid because of my own personal reason - i do not want to be left neglected. I don't want to be self centred, but at some point in time, i need the attention to myself. I am sure i had done things that were selfless too. It was just a wrong reaction, at the wrong time.
Frankly, if you have paid more attention to me, spend a little more effort trying to understand me, i guess i wouldn't even have went to that extent.
i am sorry, i really am sorry, for the uneasiness i caused. i hate myself for that sometimes, like i always screw things up. I hope someone can see my actions and think about the root of the cause. I hope to say that, my intentions were good, at least. It is not as if i am so posessive as to control who you go out with or where to, i was just caring oversensitively.
i am sadden by what happened to myself and all. It was the fear of the past, fear of repeating what happened in the past, that i was focusing of. But i am wrong, i just neglected the most important thing that i should have focus on instead - our future.
i know life is not a game that we can just click "quit", i just hope we can click "proceed".
keruirocks.
7:43 PM
