fucking emo understand.

typed my sms and untyped.
retyped.
and delete.

what the fuck am i thinking?

i am such a weak noob.
i cant even control my own emotions.
what the fuck!
break up only what!
sad for what!
not as if being sad will change anything!

and its fucking 2 months ago.
what the fuck is wrong with me.

keruirocks.
9:31 PM

went to watch pirates with josh, loo, aaron and hantu.
haha actually i wasnt really crazy about the pirates trilogy and i didnt watch the 2nd episode either. but the world's end wasnt that bad.
i like the way they backstab each other and go against agreements, and how the story twist and turn. Oh and i love the way jack sparrow behaves HAHA cooolie. Oh and i love the music..
like i always go.. DENK DNEK DENK DENK DENK DENK DENKD ENDEK! DENK DENK DENK DENK DNEK DENK DENK DENK DENK!
LOL.
The love story isnt bad either. Poor Turner now has to wait for every 10 years to fuck on beach with Elizabeth swan . LOL i think many missed out the VERY VERY last part of the movie.. like after all the credits.. Elizabeth was with her 10 year old son. so apparently, they did it on the beach. lol.

After movie, we went to novena to catch some beer. Josh was drunk from 2 and a half cans of beer. -.-
i had blackcurrent hooch, which tasted like ribena.
i still like the french ice wine i bought the other time.

and im not losing weight as quickly as i wanted.
its like fluctuating, up and down and up and down.
fuck.

keruirocks.
6:45 PM

oh my, i got 4 numbers right for TOTO... 20 bucks! ahhh why not 6 million!!
but i was lucky since its my first attempt at TOTO.
i guess i just had the beginners' luck.

magnanimous, i have to be.
to let you go, fly free.
Baby i still miss you so much,
but now you have your own life,
and your new love.
please dont tell me you didnt lie,
because thats what you want.
please dont tell me you are kind,
because you arent.
so i hope you can be more honest with yourself,
and look straight into your own eyes.

once, it is just not enough.

keruirocks.
9:16 AM

bhuibhuibhuibhui meow.

pikaboo!
pikaboo.

pikaboo..

keruirocks.
2:19 PM

2WO Goh said something terribly true that blew me away.

its like,
i always know that candice and i were very similar in many ways,
and by loving her,
it is like loving another of myself.
which means, i really did love myself more than anything else.

and he also said that,
girls that whines about her own welfare is not the girl for ourselves,
and i thought for a moment,
i really had nth to comment.

keruirocks.
10:04 PM

i'm still waiting,
for the day that,
i do not need to hope for nothing.
it is not an easy feeling,
of anticipating smses,
hoping that it is one from you.

131 memories... and i still haven given up 56 of them.

keruirocks.
8:37 PM

Looks?
how to slim down as fast as possible?
Pills? lipo?
Can i just poke a hole and squeeze them out?
wtf.

It has never been fair,
and never will it be.

i hate myself.

keruirocks.
3:32 PM

why am i like that?
have i not done enough?
have i not try to help myself?

it was like living in a fairy tale dream,
hoping that everything is wonderful,
everyone is perfect,
and a happily ever after ending.

but the story writers make it so flawless that,
we, the people living in reality,
find it hard to resist the temptation to indulge in that dream.
and we die terribly,
when reality is slapped hard across your face,
when you are drowned in your own farfetched dreams.

i need a miracle.
especially a miracle slimming pill.
i think it will solve all my problems.

i Know that candice is the type of person that will not face up with the problems directly,
even if the problem is something thats gotta do with my appearance.
ironically, i think i understood why she is the only one who accepted me for what i am.

i know you are such a bitch sometimes,
but i still love you,
as a person,
no matter what happens.

keruirocks.
5:19 AM

what's wrong?
with me?

should i even be interfering with private issues?

as a friend i feel i should be there,
no matter what,
just be there,
respect what i got to hear,
respect the person and decision.

i guess i myself have to accept the fact that everyone's different,
so when it comes to persuading,
i guess i just have to be more tactful and subtle.
is there such thing as a set of rules and principle's guiding my life?
i guess to me,
there isn't.
i do what i feel at that moment of time,

it is like what eric and kim said to me,
what's the point of doing something,
which follows my belief,
but is not making myself happy?
why do i have to bother about what ppl think about me?

how do one define morals and values and whats right whats wrong.
we define it ourselves.
it is through the ladder of inference,
we gather information about the incident,
we understand whats happening,
we add in our own opinion and believes,
and we create an impression.

it is not as if,
everyone's going to add in the same opinion and believes,
so,
what's moral and values about now?

i really think that moral and values,
are created by some person,
who thinks that he is right,
and who has alot of supports that make him look right.
turning his own opinion into a "moral value".

and from there,
everyone who doesnt want to be excluded from the "norm",
will take use his opinion to guide his life.
as for those who disbelieve,
they are taken as the "outcast", the "immorals".

the problem still lies with the social pressure, peer pressure thingy,
if the government now encourages something out of the norm,
will we be still hold on that set of moral values?
or will we just move on,
from "norm" to a new "norm",
BULL SHIT.

keruirocks.
11:22 PM

It is damn hard to accept reality,
damn bloody hard,
but i guess i have came to a compromise with myself.

Do anyone out there believe that you can like 2 person at the same time?
i myself believe so,
actually whats wrong with loving 2 person at the same time,
but it is only when, you are the victim,
that you find it hard to accept.

keruirocks.
4:58 PM

i guess enough for all the emo-depressed-loserish post.
I've moved on, knowing the true colours.
it had been foolish of me to believe everything told to me,
as though liars dont exist and hypocrite extincted.

last night's guys talk inspired me to want to come up with a project.
i guess from today onwards,
i will do my research about love, relationships and the bio-neuro reasons behind them.
i promise to cover different perspective,
not just from my own.
and hopefully,
it will provide useful info for those seeking answers. (:

to start off,
i searched for "love" @ www.dictionary.com
and to my surprise,
such a simple word actually has about twenty different definitions,
i guess no one really know of a phrase that perfectly fits what love really means.
love is something perceptive and opinionable,
thus i guess no one will be right or wrong.

The simplest definition for love will probably be - an affection for someone.
Presumably, the word holds such a pure, plain meaning.
To love someone is to fond, to like someone.
yup it is that simple!
well but i think the love we know of is not as simple, i mean due to social reasons,
peer pressure, financial pressure, etc etc.
we often confuse ourselves with other feelings or restrictions,
to a point where love is made to look complex.
i want an answer to actually how has love develop into commitment.

....TO BE CONTINUED.

132 memories, and i still have not given up 57 of them.

keruirocks.
3:07 PM

may the flower be beautiful,
may the flower by sweet,
it does not serve it's purpose,
if the fruit has no seed.

so what? the fruit is honeyed,
so what? the fruit is bitter
as long as it serves its purpose for its seed,
it doesnt really matter.

life goes on no matter what kinda fruit bears,
it is the seed that needs to be cared.
it is planting my seed,
amphoteric.
not anything from you,
sympathetic.

keruirocks.
8:50 PM

i lost 1 kg yesterday! thanks to whole day of tennis! ^^

so many people around me are getting attached,
darren and sarah,
aaron and rina.

in our gang, we left 5 bachelors now,
barry hantu joshua loo and me.
so sad T_T

that spiderman night,
i didnt really enjoy the movie,
i mean firstly the show was too much for digestion,
theres so many storylines cramped into a 2hr+ movie.
not really gd.
and venom is not supposed to die!
anyway,
i got pretty emo watching it.
becos of peter parker and mary jane.
their story just reminds me of her,
and how i have not been there for her.
and aunt may said something like ,
"to do the hardest thing, which is to forgive myself"
i guess thats the answer to why i have not move on,
and why im still feeling bad?
i have not forgiven myself.

132 memories, and i have not given up 57 of them.

keruirocks.
8:23 AM

i was complaining,
and making a big fuss out of every little things.
my very bad habit of complaining,
i know about it all along,
but again i did not realise i am always complaining.

i guess i should stop brooding over the things i have done or whatsoever.
i did it willing, and that i shouldnt blame anyone for not returning the favour.
and i should not be expecting a certain reaction from anyone.
i need to learn how to accept how things are,
adapt myself to them, instead of changing them for myself.

i've been comparing someone to somebody.
not knowing that no somebody is someone.
and no one will think exactly the way i think,
i guess i am alone in this world,
everyone is.

there's so many flaws about myself,
there's always something new i realise each day,
it's choking me,
what is the root of all the flaw?
my background education?
my parents teaching?
i am really unsure,
i guess i just have to tackle them one by one.

keruirocks.
10:12 AM

Self-centred
self-cen·tered /ˈsɛlfˈsɛntərd
1. concerned solely or chiefly with one's own interests, welfare, etc.; engrossed in self; selfish; egotistical.
2. independent, self-sufficient.
3. centered in oneself or itself.
4. Archaic. fixed; unchanging.

i guess that says it all.

Am i still back to my old egotistical, selfish self?

this time round i really cannot differentiate anymore.

keruirocks.
11:54 PM

i seemed to have been blinded by the game of love,
i thought everything was about love and her.
but there was so much to my life,
and i did not notice them at all.

i tried talking to my old friends online last night,
and to find out that,
there was many people out there that cares,
i ask myself,
why didn't i notice their kindness before?

i took friendships too lightly,
too superficially.
i thought all female friends could be developed into a BGR.
i thought i could only talk and get close with female friends.
i thought male friends are all happy-go-lucky, and that i do not need to respect their friendship

now that i have to get over my past,
my friends play the most important part.
it is very touching that,
people that i wasn't talking to in the past, i am talking to them now.
people that i didn't like, i've learnt to appreciate them.
people that was kind to me, are still kind to me, and even more caring.
people that was angry with me, forgave me.
i deeply regret that i did not maintain my relationships with my acquaintances,
and i deserve all that happened.

after all,
everything that happened,
perhaps it was pre-arranged.
i believed in karma,
what goes around comes around.
it may seem all so ugly,
now it is more like blessing in disguise.

keruirocks.
3:00 PM

Everytime i hear the "cannot be bothered" voice,
it just disturbs me so much.
one thing is because she used to be so sweet on the phone,
and now she has turned so foul towards me.
the other thing is it irritates me to know that humans can change their face so quickly,
she didnt take into account our a year long relationship, nor the kindness she
once embraced in.
It is not that i cannot accept the fact and reality,
it is hard to accept.

i felt so helpless and hopeless everytime this kinda thing happen,
but now i ask myself, what for?
not as if she will pity me for suffering,
not as if she will come back to me if im still kind to her,
not as if she will appreciate the things i do for her.

It is her life,
she chose to be like that,
she chose to be ignorant to the truth.
and i can only wish her good luck.

for sometime i have been thinking where's the limit to my kindness,
i guess i am already walking along the limit.

It is no one's fault that i am the state i am in.
i brought myself to this,
it is because i chose to be kind to her,
instead of myself.

i was really foolish to believe that she wants to be friends,
i should have just stuck to my decision before,
perhaps i may already be over it now.

Ann told me we are so screwed up.
i think she is right,
i need to stop thinking like a loser,
and get back to my life.

Jean told me something true.
I always think that she is nicest person and all,
and in my life she has been the nicest.
Thats because she was the first.
i may meet a nicer girl soon?

and i guess my sis is quite feddup with me,
everytime emo in front of her.

i guess, i believed wrong again.
but then it was a good journey.

keruirocks.
10:35 AM

Archives.

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

August 2007